Halloween 2010 & Hockey

This year, for the first time in a long time, I had the opportunity to dress up and celebrate halloween and all of it's festivities, and I took full advantage. I literally can't remember my last halloween costume, or the last time I had off from hockey to be able to go out and enjoy it. Anyways, I went as Pauly D and we all had a great time. We ended up at City Bar which got a little crazy, but it was a good group and we made the most of it. Any time we make it out alive without any bar fights is a good night. Not that we ever get in any bar fights...

Hockey right now is... frustrating. I'm really not too sure what's going on with me. We won our last game, which is a step in the right direction, but personally I have no idea what I'm doing. Something is off. I don't know if it's mental or physical. It might be a combination of both. The skates I've been wearing since day one of this season are not my skates, they are too small, and they just feel off. Anybody who knows the smallest thing about hockey knows that you need to be comfortable in your skates, and right now I'm not. Also, my brain seems to be a little messed up or something too. I'm not thinking right out there, and it's noticeable. I'm trying to dissect myself and figure out what it is that's making me screwed up, but I can't pinpoint any specific thing. I know that I am entirely way too stressed out. That's a fact. I'm struggling financially in a huge way, and that is weighing on my mind every single day. My comfortability level is at zero right now. I wake up miserable on most days. After practice I come back to my apartment and I even find myself questioning my life choices. I chose to come back to Louisiana because I was hoping to save some money, what with the free apartment, free meals, and genuine lack of large expenses. Unfortunately, that's not happening. I'm nervous about finishing up my undergrad degree, I'm nervous about my bank account, and I'm nervous about where I'm going with my life. I'm twenty-six years old, and what happens if I play here all season and leave at the end of the year with no money? I'll turn twenty-seven over the summer, and what will I really have accomplished for myself? Sometimes it feels like continuing to play is just a way of putting off real life. I was hoping to avoid that this season. I was hoping to somehow connect hockey to my future, and use it to benefit me in my years post-hockey. Right now, that's not happening. I think that's what's causing the majority of my stress, and as a result it's making me severely unhappy. When I'm unhappy, it's difficult to play the game and think clearly. I feel like I'm not only hurting myself, but my teammates and coaches who depend on me. I'm not sure what I'm going to do here. I do know that I need to do something soon, or else I won't be able to continue playing the game. Something needs to give.